I worked with high school and middle school students directly for about 13 years! In those 13 years, I led the well known series, “True Love Waits.” The premise of this series is if you truly love your future partner, you won’t have sex until marriage. Obviously what I am doing is something similar–but over the years I realized how I may have hurt or misled some students.
For example, in one of my illustrations I had the lights brought down, soft guitar music in the background, and a rose. I said something like “everyone of you are represented as this rose. You’re pure, untainted! But every time you have sex, you lose a petal.” Then I continued down that road until there were no more petals left. I explained to the students that they would not want to show up on their wedding day without a rose.
I had every good intention in that talk. But looking back now, I see that I used an inaccurate illustration to indirectly communicate that if you don’t have a rose to give, you’re lacking! And that is simply not true!
The title of this post is, “The church gets sex wrong!” The more accurate title should be “My mistakes in talking about sex!” I think the former title is more catchy.
The video below is how I wish I would have always approached this topic. In this clip there is a different variation of the rose story–but I want you to really hear the speaker’s (Matt Chandler) comment at the end.
No one is beyond redemption, healing, or wholeness.
15 Comments on “The Church Gets Sex Wrong”
Reblogged this on ritzylicious.
sex+any church isn’t real. Only the human condition works. hormones are for sex and humans are the only species that can/want sex at anytime after puberty(science) NOT church
Stan–Thanks for reading and commenting. I do not entirely disagree with your comment. I am just a little unsure as to your main point.
You mention sex and church are not real. What exactly do you mean by that? Also, humans are not the only species who want sex after puberty/sexual maturation.
I agree with you that hormones are so powerful. In fact, I have written a lot about the science of hormones. See my post, “Sex and Glue: The Emotional Bond of a Physical Act” for example.
If you would like to discuss this further, I welcome the conversation. Please clarify your points and let’s discuss them.
One last note–I am more interested in the conversation than I am about arguing.
Great thoughts, Bryan.
Thank you!
As always, thanks for spearheading discussion on what can be a difficult topic! Sometimes all someone needs is for somebody else to start the conversation.
You’re welcome…it is a difficult topic but one that is needed! Thank you for commenting!
I am glad to see this post. It is a topic that should be out there and discussed My philosophy has always been to teach abstinence with education. I have talked with many teens at my church. Half of them are afraid of sex, but are also afraid of relationships. The other half is having sex, buy they are so ashamed they are not protecting or respecting themselves. I want my daughter to wait until marriage, but I don’t want her feeling shamed for her thoughts or questions. We need to be more open and real with the teens today. Several parents that I have spoke with say the conversation of sex is not even allowed in their house. The hormones are happening whether we like it or not. They can not be stuffed down for the sake of abstinence, but they can be understood. Teens can understand the bigger picture and why it is important for them to wait, not just because someone said so.
I could not agree more! Sex should and needs to be talked about in the home. There is nothing dirty to shameful about it. It is the absence of talking about sex in a healthy manner that creates so many problems and misconceptions. Thanks for posting–I appreciate your thoughts!
Bryan, thank you for sharing this. I wholeheartedly agree with the clip you shared. Jesus died for our sins! He died for that “broken” rose. I appreciate your openness in admitting that sometimes we get it wrong!
Thanks for commenting! It would be nice if I could go back in time and change the hurtful things I have said; since I cannot, I just move on and hopefully have been comminicating this message with more grace.
Wow! That was powerful! I was totally with the guy, agreeing with him, and thinking that yes, the way he told the rose story may have been a lot better than the way you told it. But the last point he made had my jaw dropping! Perhaps, if you were to tell the story again, you could tell it as he did, but then add in the part about Jesus as well, and then have another hidden rose. With the second rose, you could say, “But never fear, Jesus makes you new again!” Or something to that effect. Although, that could backfire. The kids could say, “Oh really? Well, then I don’t have to worry about it.” It’s a tough battle, but it’s one worth fighting for!
Thank you for commenting! Great words of wisdom. Well said!
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